IBM’s Watson computer system, which you may remember from the decidedly one-sided man vs. machine Jeopardy! series when it was first unveiled, is now trying its hand as a psychoanalyst. Personality Insights takes sample text and returns a “spectrum of cognitive and social characteristics. With Watson Analyzes This, we see what Watson has to say about our beers from their Beers Page description, then run our own, human-powered analysis of its work.
On the Couch: Summer Ale
Dream Vacation: Any beach
Don Henley or The Ataris: There’s a time and a place for both
Ideal Work Week: Monday to Thursday
You are rational, analytical and inner-directed. You are calm under pressure: you handle unexpected events calmly and effectively. You are unstructured: you do not make a lot of time for organization in your daily life. And you are calm-seeking: you prefer activities that are quiet, calm, and safe.
Your choices are driven by a desire for self-expression. You are relatively unconcerned with both helping others and achieving success. You think people can handle their own business without interference. And you make decisions with little regard for how they show off your talents.
Dr. Rozmus Says:
Again, Watson! Again with the buzzer-beating pessimism! Who made you this way?
Oh, a printout. I wasn’t expecting this to be so literal. Sorry.
Look, a ton of this is right. The calm, unstructured, yet still analytical side makes total sense for summer plans. How else are you going to throw together a last-minute party without taking a second to divvy up who’s bringing what, but without turning into a barbecuezilla about it? That’s a Summer Ale specialty. Laid-back, yet effective. Like wearing a dark-colored Hawaiian shirt.
But then you go into all this stuff about not caring about helping other people. This is beer, Watson. Beer. The stuff has been bringing people together since the first lucky tribe figured out the magic of fermentation. It’s the great social solvent. And of all the beers in the world, our buddy Summer Ale is going to be the one to help a friend. Could this be a bit of projection, Watson?
Look, I’m not going to hold this against you. But you’ve really got to get out of the lab and loosen up every now and then, you know? Summer Ale can probably help with that, too.