Author Archives: Tim Rozmus

Watson Analyzes This: Summer Ale

Above Average at Brooklyn Brewery 4-14-16.

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IBM’s Watson computer system, which you may remember from the decidedly one-sided man vs. machine Jeopardy! series when it was first unveiled, is now trying its hand as a psychoanalyst. Personality Insights takes sample text and returns a “spectrum of cognitive and social characteristics. With Watson Analyzes This, we see what Watson has to say about our beers from their Beers Page description, then run our own, human-powered analysis of its work.

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On the Couch: Summer Ale
Dream Vacation: Any beach
Don Henley or The Ataris: There’s a time and a place for both
Ideal Work Week: Monday to Thursday

Watson Says:
You are rational, analytical and inner-directed. You are calm under pressure: you handle unexpected events calmly and effectively. You are unstructured: you do not make a lot of time for organization in your daily life. And you are calm-seeking: you prefer activities that are quiet, calm, and safe.

Your choices are driven by a desire for self-expression. You are relatively unconcerned with both helping others and achieving success. You think people can handle their own business without interference. And you make decisions with little regard for how they show off your talents.

Foto: Studio Emma Svensson

Dr. Rozmus Says:
Again, Watson! Again with the buzzer-beating pessimism! Who made you this way?

Oh, a printout. I wasn’t expecting this to be so literal. Sorry.

Look, a ton of this is right. The calm, unstructured, yet still analytical side makes total sense for summer plans. How else are you going to throw together a last-minute party without taking a second to divvy up who’s bringing what, but without turning into a barbecuezilla about it? That’s a Summer Ale specialty. Laid-back, yet effective. Like wearing a dark-colored Hawaiian shirt.

But then you go into all this stuff about not caring about helping other people. This is beer, Watson. Beer. The stuff has been bringing people together since the first lucky tribe figured out the magic of fermentation. It’s the great social solvent. And of all the beers in the world, our buddy Summer Ale is going to be the one to help a friend. Could this be a bit of projection, Watson?

Look, I’m not going to hold this against you. But you’ve really got to get out of the lab and loosen up every now and then, you know? Summer Ale can probably help with that, too.

The Legion Drops Rhymes

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ferris bueller snaps

At the April meetup of our Legion of Osiris, we decided to get our snapping fingers ready and encourage everyone to write poems about our favorite topic: beer! (Space Jam was a close second.)

While the Legion itself is, of course, a closely guarded secret society, we’re sharing our favorites right here on the blog. Check our the best of each category below, and if you’re interested in joining the Legion, start asking around to people who seem to be in the know about that sort of thing (like us, for instance.)

Haiku

Beer, I love you so
You make my sadness go away
Call my therapist

The author remains anonymous, but, uh…we’re maybe a little worried?

Limerick

There once was a grimy old ‘hood
Where an empty warehouse had stood
THen in came two dudes
With shit tons of brews
And then everything was REAL GOOD.

The authors are credited as Kelly [last name redacted, like Cher] at 33%, John Bissert at 33%, Ryan Milarou at 33%, Chase Desu at 1%, and Beyonce at a surprising 0%. She’s been a bit busy lately.

beyonce lemonade bat twirl

Lyric Poetry

Sorachi Ace, by John Bissert

O, Sorachi Ace,
I’d like to put you in your place

That place is my face
While I float through outer space

Listening heartily to Ace of Base…
Better watch my pace

You’re a farmhouse “sais”
With a delightful taste

I could drink it by the gosh darn case
…In space with Ace of Base

The End

If anyone has the phone numbers for Ace of Base, NASA, or Elon Musk, please let us know.

Anarchy Poetry NO RULES

YOU’LL CONTRACT GOUT, THE DOCTOR SAID
IF YOU IMBIBE MORE CHOCOLATE STOUT
OH, HANG THE GOUT, THE PATIENT SAID
NO STOUT, NO JOY– BETTER OFF DEAD

When you’re right, you’re right, anonymous author.

We’d like to thank all of our loyal Legionnaires for participating, and we look forward to seeing them all soon for arcane rituals, beer, and singing!

The Coolest Truck in Stockholm

ncb truck

ncb truck

If you’re visiting the Hammarby section of Stockholm, Sweden this summer, keep an eye out for the bright new food truck our sister brewery, Nya Carnegiebryggeriet, just brought on board. The truck is ready to crank out tons of delicious food, ready to be consumed alongside fresh beer on Nya Carnegie’s riverside deck all summer long. As you can probably guess, we’re very jealous–it might just be time for a field trip.

The truck will officially open at 2 PM on Saturday, April 30, before the official Walpurgis bonfire party at the brewery. The truck will be dishing out Cubano sandwiches and a vegetarian sandwich, either of which you can pair with a beer for 150 SEK., They’ll also be releasing a new smoked lager, fittingly named Bonfire, just for the occasion. The fire will be struck at 6:30 PM, and The Rockridge Brothers will bring it all together with some sweet, sweet bluegrass music. Get over there and enjoy the witches’ holiday.

The Weekly Sixer: April 29

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Becky With The Good Hair: If you’ve been on the Internet in the past week, you are at least somewhat aware of Beyonce’s new visual album Lemonade. In true trendspotting fashion, a bar called Canard in Austin, Texas has created a cocktail called Becky With The Good Hair, named for one of the more damning names for Jay-Z’s alleged side chick. (Everyone still following along? Google it if you have to.) The cocktail sounds good, but we’re frankly more interested in Beyonce’s actual lemonade recipe, which was also included on the album.

Bye Bye Birra: Anheuser-Busch snapped up Italian craft brewery Birra Del Borgo last week, furthering their international stranglehold on the beer market. Not much of the deal has been made public yet, but we’re hoping AB leaves their recipes in place instead of their customary practice of building a pyramid of skulls and demanding annual tribute. Come to think of it, that might’ve been the Mongols under Genghis Khan, but it’s close enough.

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Have A Nice Day, Says Ancient Skeleton: Archaeologists uncovered a 2,400 year old mosaic in Turkey this week depicting a skeleton kicking back with a big ol’ cup of wine and a loaf of bread under the legend “Be Cheerful, Enjoy Your Life.” If it’s working for old Bones there, we can’t help but recommend the same course. The quicker we accept that we all die, the faster we can have some fun with it, you know? Hey, come back, we’re only halfway through the news.

Weight Loss Through Hops: Scientists recently released a study confirming the important role xanthohumol, a Scrabble-winning word and naturally occurring compound in hops, can be a massive help in encouraging weight loss and lowering cholesterol and blood-sugar levels. Unfortunately, to reap any benefit from beer, you’d have to drink 3,500 pints a day, which is pretty much impossible. Still, it’s a smart-sounding excuse to fling at your judgemental Crossfit friend the next time they throw shade at your third pint.

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Numbers Are Made Up: A team of researchers brought on a bit of a buzzkill when they pointed out that different governments around the world have completely different definitions of what constitutes a “standard drink.” This leads to a worldwide state of confusion as to what can actually be considered a “healthy” amount to drink, as the guidelines and legal requirements in different countries vary so widely. To be honest, we mostly go with our skeleton friend’s advice from before– enjoy your life, and let the numbers folks worry about it.

A Little Bit of History: Yuengling Brewery is the oldest brewery in the United States, and has been in the Yuengling family for five generations. Just because they’ve been in business for over a century doesn’t mean that the family hasn’t had its tense moments. Dick Yuengling recounts an eleven year rift with his father that nearly sank the brewery entirely. Give the video a watch, then be thankful that your family’s arguments don’t risk millions of barrels of beer in the balance. Think of the beer!

Tap That Glass: April 29

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Consider the famous anthem “Everybody’s Working For The Weekend.” Do you think the band Loverboy knew what they were creating when they penned that song? Were they aware they were summoning an earworm that could level mountains, ruin landscapes, and cause mobs of people to reluctantly hum along after just a small sample played over a speaker? Were they good, but naive, or just plain evil?

Now that that’s stuck in your head again, come join us for a beer. We will not be playing “Everybody’s Working For The Weekend.”

Our tap list is below, but there’s always a chance it’ll change so be sure to check our board and ask your bartender to see what’s new. Beer tokens can be purchased for $5 or 5 for $20, which is one of the best deals in the city.

Draft | 1 token each (unless indicated)

Cask Offering | 1 token

Long And Winding Road (4% ABV)  Rest your weary legs and recount your travels with a smooth, light, sessionable lager. You’ve traveled many leagues and…you came from Smorgasburg? Well, you’re no Frodo, but good enough. Created by Eric Brown.

Bottle Pours | 3 tokens each (4 tokens for Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment pours), includes a complimentary Souvenir Logo Glass.

Local 1 (9.0% ABV)
Local 2 (9.0% ABV)
Sorachi Ace (7.6% ABV)
Ama Bionda (6.0% ABV)- two tokens
Black Chocolate Stout (10% ABV)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Intensified Coffee Porter (11.8%)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Black Ops (11.6%)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Improved Old Fashioned (12.8%)

Hej, Stockholm: The Mash is Coming

Foto: Studio Emma Svensson

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Get ready, Stockholm: The 2016 Mash Tour is heading your way May 26-29, packing your weekend with music, beer, food, beer, exploration, some wild surprises, and yes…even more beer!

Tickets are on sale right now over on the Mash website. Check out the events below, then gather your friends and get excited– you’re in for a pretty incredible weekend.

Friday, May 27: Feast. Head to our sister brewery, Nya Carnegiebryggeriet, and enjoy a meal of epic proportions from our Chef Andrew Gerson and the NCB team. The platters will be overflowing, the beers will be some of the rarest bottles from our cellar, and your fellow diners will become your best friends in no time.

Saturday, May 28: Mariatorget Immersion. Take to the streets of Mariatorget to explore some of the most intriguing bars, restaurants, shops and hangouts in Stockholm. We’re even putting together a handy map for you so that you can stroll with the confidence of a native when you come back with your friends.

Saturday, May 28: Free Show at Debaser Medis. Join us, Maria Andersson, and some more of our favorite new acts for a night of music, beer, and keeping money in your pocket. It’s hard to improve on live music, but free live music is absolutely unbeatable. Be warned: we are a dancing kind of crowd.

Sunday, May 29: DIY Dinner Party. Roll up your sleeves and join Chef Andrew Gerson in the kitchen at Nya Carnegiebryggeriet to learn the ins and outs of preparing a dinner party, complete with beer pairings. Once you and your classmates have diced, chopped and sauteed your way through the menu, you’ll sit down to eat your handiwork and plan your culinary empires.

The Weekly Sixer: April 22

Above Average at Brooklyn Brewery 4-14-16.

prince splits

Farewell, Prince: All of us at the Brooklyn Brewery are upset by Prince’s untimely passing. Many of us finally caved and downloaded Tidal. The man was as much an icon as an iconoclast, and we’ll deeply miss his sheer presence. And for the handful of y’all wondering where the beer tie-in is here, kindly consider the possibility that you’re missing the point on the whole “joy” thing in your life. Rest in Purple, Prince.

Oh Those Clever Russians: On a much, much lighter note, a Russian man achieved Internet fame this week when he convinced a brewery in his apartment building to run a serving line directly to a faucet in his apartment. We like to think this is a new, radical approach to reducing the amount of packaging in beer. Just pipe it directly to everyone’s houses and favorite bars! If the Internet is tubes, why can’t beer travel down those same tubes? If you don’t think about it too hard, it could totally work.

Jack Donaghy Scotch forever

Everybody’s Getting Into Scotch These Days: The GlenWyvis Distillery, currently in planning for operation in the Black Isle area of Scotland, has announced a call for community-level investors to help get off the ground. The distillery plans to be 100% investor owned and completely powered by green energy. Locals can buy in for as little as £250 ($357), but outsiders have to pony up £100,000 ($142,794.) If anyone would like to discuss forming a offshore fund, please contact your trusted author.

Come On, South Africa: The South African government gave the go-ahead for the pending AB-InBev and SABMiller merger that has been subject to worldwide review recently. The $69 million deal includes a no-layoff guarantee, as South Africa was primarily concerned with unemployment under the new model. The merger still has quite a few more hoops to jump through, but it’s not a bad time to dust off your copy of Evil Empire by Rage Against the Machine.

pooh bothers i give

Tower of Terror Bar Announced: The Tower of Terror, Walt Disney World’s tribute to elevator phobias everywhere, will be getting its own bar sometime soon, allowing park attendees to soothe their nerves on the ground floor of the Twilight Zone themed mansion. Soon, even people with a justified fear of heights will be able to slip into the frame of mind of ol’ Pooh up there before hurtling 199 feet straight down. No word on whether the park expects more vomiting on the ride given its proximity to the bar, but we think it’d be wise for the House of Mouse to stock up on sawdust.

Holy Hamilton, Batman!: If you’re reading this and haven’t heard of either Gun Hill Brewery or Broadway smash Hamilton, we’re honestly not sure how you learned to work a computer. For those who don’t live under a rock, local beer journalist Niko Krommydas did you a favor and went behind the scenes for the brewing of the official Hamilton beer at Gun Hill. The beer, called Rise Up Rye, will be a limited edition release, but will still be easier to find than tickets to Hamilton in this decade.

Tap That Glass: April 22

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In lieu of our usual jokes, here’s a bunch of people trying to explain Prince. Come have a beer with us this weekend and try to guess which of our bartenders downloaded Tidal to access Prince’s catalog for our speakers.

Our tap list is below, but there’s always a chance it’ll change so be sure to check our board and ask your bartender to see what’s new. Beer tokens can be purchased for $5 or 5 for $20, which is one of the best deals in the city.

Draft | 1 token each (unless indicated)

  • Blast! (8.4% ABV) – 2 tokens
  • Sorachi Ace (7.2% ABV)
  • Greenmarket Wheat (5.0% ABV)
  • American Ale (4.5% ABV)
  • Insulated Dark Lager (5.6% ABV)
  • Lager (5.2% ABV)
  • Pilsner (5.1%)
  • Neziah Bliss (9.7% ABV) – 2 tokens *Brewed as our SMaSH beer for New York City Beer Week
  • Brown Ale (5.6% ABV)
  • Bel Air Sour Ale (6.5% ABV)* Limited edition early Brewmaster Reserve release
  • Defender IPA (6.7% ABV)  
  • Lord Sorachi (9.5% ABV) – 2 tokens
  • East IPA (6.9% ABV)
  • 1,001 Nights *Tasting Room Exclusive as part of the Worshipful Company of Brewers series, brewed by Ayad Asha
  • 100W (7.2% ABV)- 2 tokens *Tasting Room exclusive from our sister brewery, Nya Carnegiebryggeriet. Depending on our thirst, this might switch to Luma Lager.

Cask Offering | 1 token

Best Bitter (5% ABV)  It can be a challenge to truly call something the best. What defines “bestness,” armchair philosophers ask? In this case, it’s because the beer is delicious, silky and soothing, and we’re right. Quiet your brain and enjoy. Created by Eric Brown.

Bottle Pours | 3 tokens each (4 tokens for Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment pours), includes a complimentary Souvenir Logo Glass.

Local 1 (9.0% ABV)
Local 2 (9.0% ABV)
Sorachi Ace (7.6% ABV)
Ama Bionda (6.0% ABV)- two tokens
Black Chocolate Stout (10% ABV)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Intensified Coffee Porter (11.8%)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Black Ops (11.6%)
Brooklyn Quarterly Experiment: Improved Old Fashioned (12.8%)

It’s Immersion Season

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Now that the weather is finally warming up, it’s time to shake off your layers of takeout menus and blankets and get back to one of the biggest perks of living in New York City: exploring new neighborhoods.

We’re teaming up with our friends at Brooklyn Based to bring you the 2016 Brooklyn Immersions. In each neighborhood, you’ll receive lunch at a hot restaurant, four beers, and some “Walking Around Money” to activate discounts, deals and sales throughout the neighborhood. Your pass is just $25, and will have you on near-native level in no time.

The first stop is the Total Cobble Hill Immersion, which is coming up fast on Saturday, May 21. Grab tickets here, and mark your calendar for all of the 2016 Immersions:

  • Total Cobble Hill Immersion: Saturday, May 21
  • Total Long Island City Immersion: Saturday, June 4
  • Total Red Hook Immersion: Saturday, July 9
  • Total Clinton Hill Immersion: Saturday, September 23