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Brooklyn Zodiac horoscope wheel

Beeroscopes July 2018

et bike moon

During times like these the future can seem to be an inscrutable fog, probably due to heat haze. Let Spiritual Guide Reverend Tim Rozmus read the signs for you and cast your beery lots for the month.

Aries (March 21- April 20): The most important star guiding you this month is the most obvious: the Sun. Wear sunblock.

Taurus (April 21- May 20): Remember the old maritime saying: another round of beers at night, sailors’ delight; another round of beers at morning, sailors get fired.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): In a rare turn, the stars smile upon you this month. Enjoy the feeling, but don’t get used to it.

Cancer (June 21- July 20): The right beer sleeve can keep your beer cold, your fingers dry, and your conversations rolling. The beer sleeve can get you kicked out of a party. Read the room.

Leo (July 21- August 20): Good news awaits you, dear Leo, as a bartender plans to buy your next round. Go forth and seek your fortune, and remember to tip.

Virgo (August 21- September 20): Yes, it’s kind of weird to sneak booze into Eighth Grade. Don’t ask if you already knew the answer.

Libra (September 21- October 20): A splash of beer on a burger, just before flipping it on the grill, can be an interesting and flavorful addition. A splash of burger, dropped into your beer, probably won’t be.

Scorpio (October 21- November 20): Yes, IPA from bowls is a phenomenon now. No, you don’t have to look. Let them play.

Sagittarius (November 21- December 20): The upside of dates at rooftop bars is the stunning view and time in the sun. The downside is visible sweat stains. Choose wisely.

Capricorn (December 21- January 20): The wisdom of the stars is more true than ever this month: you will need more ice for your barbecue.

Aquarius (January 21- February 20): The fates are working against you this month, and they look like they’re winning. Avoid oscillating fans, foaming hand soap, and drugstore sunglasses.

Pisces (February 21- March 20): The news is no reason to avoid going outside, but going outside doesn’t mean you can totally ignore the news. Find your balance.

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