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Milk, Bread, and Beer: Your Blizzard Guide

polar bear slide

By now you’ve most likely heard about Winter Storm Jonas’ plan to make a big, wintry mess of the East Coast this weekend. There’s a lot of advice going around out there, but we’re the only ones to give you a moment-to-moment guide to riding out the storm safely, beer in hand and Revenant impressions at the ready.

Right Now

frozen snow spirals

You’ve just learned that some absurd quantity of snow and wind is heading your way. (And yes, you’ve also just learned your faithful author is a Frozen fan. Deal with it.) This is the time to go to the store and stock up. After all, if the storm misses you, it just means you’re prepared for the next one.

You probably don’t need bread and milk unless you’re really committed to cereal and sandwiches. You do need a “go bag” with some basic first aid supplies, toilet paper, a working flashlight with spare batteries, some non-perishable food items, and plenty of warm, dry clothing. Feel free to add more if you have a particularly big duffle to fill.

Once you’ve got the basics, then you get to go wild on your snow day fantasy: hot chocolate, marshmallows, brown liquor, and maybe some of those frozen pizzas you used to love during college. Round off your shopping trip with some Insulated Dark Lager, and get ready to hunker down.

During The Storm

dog blanket burrito

This is the fun part. Gather your friends, family, and pets, and find the most comfortable room to sprawl out in. Make sure there’s enough blankets, and settle in with your favorite marathon activity. Board games? There’s finally time for a full game of Risk. Netflix marathon? No spoilers on River, please.

Remember, this isn’t the time to order take-out. Let the people behind your favorite delivery stay warm and safe, and fall back on all those snacks you bought when you first heard about the storm. Once you’re sure that the worst of the storm has passed, we recommend a celebratory Black Chocolate Stout or two to warm you up. You made it!

Digging Out

cat break through snow

Whether you’re trying to find your front steps or just excavating yourself from a blanket fort, immediately post-storm is the best time to take care of your cleanup needs. If you’re shoveling, the snow will be easier to handle before it packs in and starts to ice over. If you’re not shoveling, find a window and treasure that small joy.

Once you have all your responsibilities taken care of, get out there and play! Just becase you’re an adult doesn’t mean you’re too old to build snow forts. It means that you finally have the skills and strength to build the ultimate impregnable Snow Lair. Stock it with Defender IPA, and settle in to rule your small, frosty kingdom.

After the Storm

donald duck christmas carol throw

What, did you miss the part where this storm is happening over the weekend? Get back out there and play! Or take another blanket and Black Chocolate Stout break, sure– maybe try it with some ice cream this time. It’s never too cold for ice cream.

It’s easy to grumble about all the snow. New Yorkers are particularly good at it. But with a little preparation, a few blankets, and an armload of beers, you’ll have the best snow day since elementary school. Let us know how you spend it on Instagram or Twitter– we’ll be scrolling from the couch.

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