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The Weekly Sixer: September 30

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Hangover Free Booze?: A scientist who clearly never read any fables or decent science fiction announced that he is close to perfecting a substance that will render a user pleasantly intoxicated with no side effects and no hangover. We personally regard any such pleasure with no consequences as the work of the devil, and meet it with suspicion. That attitude might change with, say, tonic and a lemon twist, but we’ll see.

Or Enhanced Booze: Following a lengthy approval process from the FDA, cannabis-infused beer from Dad & Dude’s Breweria in– where else?– Colorado may be available nationwide as early as next year. Of course, the beer does not actually contain any THC and will not get a drinker high. But it still might be safe to stock up on snack foods ahead of any releases in your neighborhood.

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Burger and Burger-Beer: One of the world’s finest pairings is getting an odd spin as New Belgium prepares to release a beer brewed to taste like a burger. Specifically, it is intended to echo the teriyaki-and-pineapple notes of the Banzai Burger at Red Robin, which we admit sounds much more approachable and far less like some new Soylent Green. Besides, it’s burgers and beer– they would never hurt us.

Deftones Release Beer: California metal crossover outfit the Deftones are releasing a beer with Belching Beaver Brewery, dubbed Phantom Bride IPA after a track on their recent album Gore. Setting this beer about from the metal-inflected pack is the fact that lead singer Chino Moreno hand-picked the hops for the beer himself, and is evidently a big beer fan. Cheers for the hard work, Chino!

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From the History Books: A tale from ancient Rome made the rounds this week after it turned out that Cleopatra and her lover Marc Antony had a secret drinking club dubbed the “Inimitable Livers.” Aside from their partying prowess, we stand in awe of Cleopatra’s ability to come up with the greatest punk band name of all time some centuries before punk was actually invented. Long live punk, and long live the queen.

Cornell Advances Cider: Science buffs and cider geeks, rejoice: Cornell University is dedicating some serious sweat equity to advancing apples. Scientists at the school are making groundbreaking strides in improving orchard growing techniques and processing to ensure plenty of top-tier cider for years to come in the face of booming demand. Here’s hoping they start a sister program dedicated to making warm apple cider donuts available outside of orchards three trains and a taxi from anywhere.

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